I am trapped in my own version of Groundhog Day.
I started this project in February. By the end of March, there was a redo. The scheduled go-live wasn’t going to be June, it would be July.
By the end of May, the schedule was changed to August, maybe September.
Now, early July, I am looking at January.
Approximately every 2 months, I repeat the process. New project plan. Updated scope. Updated resource allocations.
I am repeating the same two months over and over and over again.
After busting my ass the last two days to make great headway on a new plan with new information, after rallying the troops to get the info we need, after getting everyone on the same page for the first time in a while, the rug has been pulled out from me again……sigh.
At this point, I’m wondering: what IS the universe trying to tell me?
Be a bigger bitch to get this done?
Let it go and accept it is what it is?
I am struggling with this a bit because part of me knows we can get this fucking project done. If the leader causing the grief were to be sedated for the next few months or forced on a holiday, we could get the project done so we can ALL move on. We all want to be done with this so we can move on. It is almost becoming a mission for me to finish. I know the end is in sight. I can see the finish line. I almost feel I have to finish.
…..and of course, there is a “but”….
I’m sick of feeling like Sisyphus – you know the Greek guy punished by the Gods by having to spend all of eternity pushing a boulder up the hill only to watch it roll back down for him to push back up the hill again? I’m sick of having a “new plan” created for me. A new plan that has no basis in fact or reality. I’m sick of being expected to do things just to have the rug pulled out from under me. I’m sick of being the one not included in a project discussion with vendors, but being expected to make them perform when someone decided to make a major change to the schedule for the 20th time. And I’m sick of feeling like the expectation is that I’m leading the charge, when in actuality I’m just another one trying to lead the charge. And, if tasks are handed out, they are rejected because “they don’t work for me. Not too good for someone trying to get work done.
And, I think that’s the struggle that I have. Did I somehow piss the universe off that I am now to be punished for past sins, punished until I have learned from them? Or is the universe teaching me to know when to cut bait – when to walk away and be done with a project that will have no success due to the continued failed leadership? Am I supposed to learn that sometimes you need to let the boulder roll down the hill as you say “fuck it” and walk away?
I was asked yesterday if I was willing to consider a full time position at the company. I responded in a very politically correct manner requesting that I stay on as a contractor a bit longer until they understand their long term vision for me, and I can assess if it “fits into my professional objectives”. Thankfully the guy I work for is going on vacation in a day, so I know he hasn’t thought about it. I figure it buys us both time.
Then maybe I can decide what I’m going to do next. Until then, I’m going to stand next to the boulder and decide my next move. Cause I’m done pushing it up the hill.
So I am far behind my blog reading. I will catch up, I promise. I am also behind the pictures which are all still on my camera. It is my weekend goal as we have nothing planned all weekend. Hope everyone has a great weekend!