He is the first person to ever say this to me in a positive way. Usually I hear, “YOU remember that!” and the tone is usual a combination of disbelief, fear of what about them I remember, and a bit of awe.
Don’t get me wrong. The fear is justifiable as I have used this power to my advantage especially in situations with people who never quite remember what they have agreed to do. Paint enough of the picture around when they agreed to something, and they will fold. But many times, I remember things for good reasons.
My brain, I’ve decided, is like a camera. It can record some video, but mainly it takes snap shots of things that it deems important. These “things” can be words or images. But, usually they are things that will stay with me well in unexpected ways.
Sometimes these ways are good.
Sometimes they are not so good.
Usually the latter happens with things I didn’t process something correctly the first time. It’s like I subconsciously take a snapshot of that moment, then my brain replays it until I realize I may have fucked something up. (Okay – a bit harsh but you know what I mean.) These snap shots are learning experiences.
But when the good stuff replays – the good words in particular – they are words or moments that usually went straight to my heart. They don’t have to be romantic ones. Hell, they often are not. They can simply be words that truly mean the person gets me. The person has a connection with me. So what may have been an off-the-cuff remark, echos in my heart.
And when I catch these echos of words or images, they make me smile unexpectedly.
Just like when I catch a picture I had forgotten about – or an old letter.
I do like these moments for exactly these reasons.
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The mind and its filters always amaze me. When Hubman is amazed that I have remembered an event or conversation much differently than he did, all I do is say Roshomon.
I am like that…in terms of sex. Don’t know why – maybe I enjoyed those moments and I’ve found myself recalling certain moments years later. Hmm.
I can see this…I wish I was like that. See, I capture more feelings. You can ask me how I felt at any particular moment but ask me to recall why and I couldn’t even begin to tell you.
Alzheiner’s terrifies me far more than cancer. I’m very reliant on my memory and generally have the best one in my family and in my circle of friends. I remember figuring out sometime in jr. High that most people didn’t remember their lives as clearly as I do. I was baffled as to how they functioned. Frankly, I still am. Guess they figure something out though.