Garbanzo was hosting his weekly beer and bad movie night in his dorm room. We had about 20 people in there drinking and watching some bad kung fu movie. When it finished, one of the guys there said “Hey, wanna see a porn that our friend George is in?”
George was this short guy who came with his own pelt. He was also extremely awkward around girls – but then again, staring at their tits while they are talking to you – even if they are at his eye level – never works well.
So, everyone said – we have to see this porn. The guy pops it in and finds the scene where George’s clone appears. We all laughed at how this was, indeed, George’s clone.
Just then, in walks one of the RAs and her friend.
“What are you guys laughing about?” she asks as she turns to the TV – then gets upset and leaves.
The next day as Garbanzo and I walked into the dorm, he was confronted by the women. They thought he was on their side. They were the leaders of the campus feminist group. And, they were upset he would allow a porn to be played in his dorm. How could he allow women to be objectified like that??
He tried explaining that they were actually objectifying the guy in this case. No one really noticed the women truth be told. But, they weren’t having it.
Then, they turned on me.
I should have stopped them. Why? They were making fun of a friend.
How could I allow them to watch porn? Allow?
These things pissed me off. I mean, allow? Really? They didn’t even know the circumstances, plus to say this one act undid all other things was a bit extreme.
To that, I was told that I was clearly NOT a feminist because I didn’t agree with them.
There was no dialog.
It was their way – or a fight and no way.
No desire to listen.
All – purely black and white.
And in that moment, I got a first hand example of why feminism is a bad word for many.
And why feminist ideals are difficult to move forward.
Both sides end up yelling at each other.
No one is communicating.
And there can be no variety or disagreement.
No shades of gray.
So for many, including myself for a while, feminism became a bad word.
After getting my card revoked publicly like that, I understood why the statewide initiative to get gender equality added to the state constitution failed. Too much soap box, not enough dialog.
And, what’s interesting is when I relayed this story to my friend – a woman of color who has her doctorate in women’s studies. And she laughed and shook her head. “I HATE that! It totally stops progress and is the result of a juvenile approach to trying to address the issues – they miss the issues.”
Then she told me that she was officially giving me my card back.
Like I needed it.
On another note, I broke one of my own rules in my post yesterday. I did a brain dump and talked about things I normally would not on my blog. Yes, I can break my own rules, but it had unintended consequences that, in the end, were positive. It was just not the right way to do it. So, I thank for the comments and such, but I’ve taken it down.