When I Got My Feminist Card Revoked

Junior year of college.

Garbanzo was hosting his weekly beer and bad movie night in his dorm room. We had about 20 people in there drinking and watching some bad kung fu movie. When it finished, one of the guys there said “Hey, wanna see a porn that our friend George is in?”

George was this short guy who came with his own pelt. He was also extremely awkward around girls – but then again, staring at their tits while they are talking to you – even if they are at his eye level – never works well.

So, everyone said – we have to see this porn. The guy pops it in and finds the scene where George’s clone appears. We all laughed at how this was, indeed, George’s clone.

Just then, in walks one of the RAs and her friend.

“What are you guys laughing about?” she asks as she turns to the TV – then gets upset and leaves.

The next day as Garbanzo and I walked into the dorm, he was confronted by the women. They thought he was on their side. They were the leaders of the campus feminist group. And, they were upset he would allow a porn to be played in his dorm. How could he allow women to be objectified like that??

He tried explaining that they were actually objectifying the guy in this case. No one really noticed the women truth be told. But, they weren’t having it.

Then, they turned on me.

I should have stopped them. Why? They were making fun of a friend.
How could I allow them to watch porn? Allow?

These things pissed me off. I mean, allow? Really? They didn’t even know the circumstances, plus to say this one act undid all other things was a bit extreme.

To that, I was told that I was clearly NOT a feminist because I didn’t agree with them.
There was no dialog.
It was their way – or a fight and no way.
No compromise.
No understanding.
No desire to listen.
All – purely black and white.

And in that moment, I got a first hand example of why feminism is a bad word for many.
And why feminist ideals are difficult to move forward.
Both sides end up yelling at each other.
No one is communicating.
And there can be no variety or disagreement.
No shades of gray.

So for many, including myself for a while, feminism became a bad word.
After getting my card revoked publicly like that, I understood why the statewide initiative to get gender equality added to the state constitution failed. Too much soap box, not enough dialog.

And, what’s interesting is when I relayed this story to my friend – a woman of color who has her doctorate in women’s studies. And she laughed and shook her head. “I HATE that! It totally stops progress and is the result of a juvenile approach to trying to address the issues – they miss the issues.” 

Then she told me that she was officially giving me my card back.
Like I needed it.

On another note, I broke one of my own rules in my post yesterday. I did a brain dump and talked about things I normally would not on my blog. Yes, I can break my own rules, but it had unintended consequences that, in the end, were positive. It was just not the right way to do it.  So, I thank for the comments and such, but I’ve taken it down.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Secretia says:

    It felt exciting that day, I’m sure. I would have been.


  2. Topaz says:

    It’s unfortunate those ‘girls’ (there are no ‘women’ or ‘men’ on campus, from my experience) were unwilling to listen. How else can we learn if we don’t examine all sides? This is where feminism gets a bad rap. It’s extremism in cases like this, which causes isolation and fosters radical behaviour, just to prove their dedication to the cause. And extremism has no place in any institution of higher learning.

    What a horrible experience to have. But I admire how you handled yourself and did not waiver in support of the partner you would spend the rest of your life with. He matters much more in your life than any of those girls ever would.

    Great post Emmy!

  3. Joker_SATX says:

    I have always wondered why there is Feminism and not Malenism? I also have always wondered why some people choose to practice feminism over Humanism?

    We all want Gender equality not realizing that if we continue to fight for our gender the more un-equal it will be.

    For those that still have missed my point, please realize that the answer is simple. I agree with Emmy here…stop the fighting…start the communicating.

  4. Vixen says:

    Teach me to sit on one of your posts ‘until I have the time to comment properly’…. LOL 😉 (referring to the post you took down, it explains a lot) Absolutely you have the right to do that 🙂

    *muah* girlie

  5. Just me... says:

    Anyone who wants to disagree but will do so respectfully gets kudos in my book.. Many who ascribe to a certain point of view blindly behave as those females, without respect and self-righteously.. Anymore you see these in social issues, schools, politics, religion, everywhere.. And it’s too bad.. There could be decent discussions if people would just listen and talk..

  6. Ms Scarlett says:

    I’ve never understood why it needs to be Feminism, and couldn’t just be Equality. For everyone, regardless of gender or color or religion or sexual orientation. Call me crazy…

    Girls like the one who came aboard you for something so ridiculous are the same ones who yell at men who open a door for them. They’re so caught up in their ill-considered opinions that they haven’t left room for common sense or common courtesy.


  7. I’ve had almost all of my cards revoked at one time or another. Apparently, I’m a gender, race, and class traitor. By one side of the argument, I’m accused of being a bad feminist. From the other side, of being a bad wife. Among my conservative friend’s I might as well be Michael Moore, and among my liberal friend’s I’ve been compared to Rush Limbaugh. I was uninvited to both an election night party (for not being “committed” enough) and to a super-bowl party (for pretty much the same reason.)

    I love to debate and discuss. I can even enjoy and learn from a good argument. I’ve even been taught things I didn’t know and admitted when I was wrong. But the second I hear something along the lines of “and if you disagree with me, you’re stupid or evil,” I’m done.

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