I hate this question.
While I appreciate the desire of the guy to understand “what I like” so that he can make our experience a pleasurable one for me, I never know how to answer this question. It is not that I cannot articulate “what I like”. It is more of the fact we don’t have an hour. So, I never feel I answer it quite like they want. I almost feel like I take a cop out.
I have answered the question simple, “there isn’t a lot I don’t like.” or even “I like most everything”, but here is the real answer:
I don’t have many boundaries. I truly don’t. And what I will do with one guy isn’t necessarily what I will do with every guy. Why? Because the guys are different. Our bodies will fit differently. The chemistry is different. The dynamic is different. I don’t know his stamina; he doesn’t know mine. One guy’s talented tongue may not work right on my clit. It may take more coaching or just rub me the wrong way. And I will bring a set of experiences to the table as will he. We will both bring what has worked and what hasn’t worked – so going in with an open mind just works for me.
It’s like I said the other day in my reflection on the year back. Some of what I’ve liked is playing with different partners and maybe trying things that maybe have not worked between Garbanzo and me when we’ve tried it. I like that new dynamic and the new chemistry that someone brings to the bed. I like the different approach and learning that if done in a certain way, something I never enjoyed before can become something I REALLY enjoy.
And if something isn’t working, I will say it isn’t working. I think that is what guys have truly been afraid of – that I won’t say something. But, I will. I’ve gently redirected play in a way that the guy I’m redirecting doesn’t even know it. I’ve spoken up and said “this is not working – let’s do this.” I will not go along with something that isn’t working for me. Just like if something feels great, I’ll say it if my moans and such don’t deliver that message for me. If I can tell the guy wants to pull my hair, for example, I’ll speak up and suggest it when their hand runs through the hair a second time.
So, I guess, for me, that’s the real answer to this question:
“I don’t know – let’s jump in bed and find out – together.”
7 Comments Add yours
That is understandable, to not like that question, I wouldn’t like it either.
This post is so me. =) Well, almost.. In the fact that I don’t have many boundaries and what I will do with one person, won’t always happen with another. It depends on the dynamics, chemistry, mood, etc what I want. It’s all a matter of what works in the moment.
I love the lets find out together answer. I usually joke that if they wait a minute I will get them the instruction manual.
I hate that question, not just in a sexual context, for the sane reason I hate Christmas lists. Part of your job, and a whole lot of the fun I might add, is figuring this stuff out about your partner. Asking them is just intellectual laziness or impatience. Neither of which are good. As I am prone to do I refer you to Camus, who said ‘you know what charm is don’t you? It’s a way of getting the answer ‘yes’ without ever having asked a clear question.’
Hey, well… you know what I like??
Well that and your “pants on the ground.” and the fun after that. 🙂
I hate it too. Hate. It. I’m going to print this out and calmly hand it to people when they ask me this question.
I think the last line was said perfectly.
“One thing does not fit all” is a good slogan as well. As you mentioned in your post, everyone meshes together differently and what works with you and one partner may not work w-another. Good post.
I hate being asked that question too for the record.