Reflecting on the First Year

About a year ago, Garbanzo and I took our fantasy talk and acted upon it. We setup a profile on a local site or two and ventured into the lifestyle. Our goal at the time seemed simple – find some people we could be friends with and have some fun in the bedroom with. Being newbies, the first several months were hard. Newbies are not exactly embraced by experienced swingers, and we quickly discovered why as we corresponded with a few ourselves. We either found that they weren’t on the same page, or the idea was interesting until someone wanted to meet them, at which point, they would flee. We often wondered what we were doing wrong. Now we know – it wasn’t us.

I already told the story about Carrie and Mark. It was definitely a learning experience – that’s for sure. Once we had our swinger cherry popped, if you will, it seemed like the swinging universe deemed us ready – and we found some good playmates right away.

The past year, we have had some drama that has now passed. But more importantly, we have made some great, sexy friends. And we both feel we are quickly establishing a small group of swinging friends that all get along and play together.

Friday night on our way home from a play date with SG and his wife, Garbanzo and I could not help but reflect on our year. Here are some of our observations:

  • I have become a hell of a lot more secure with myself. In situations where in the past I would not have been very assertive, I am now extremely assertive. I’m more confident. I have always been good at reading people, but now, I can pick up the smallest cues. And a lot of it is simply the fact that I have figured out how to shut my brain off and stop thinking so much. I have simply started doing. And, what I have found with that simple act: the worst that can happen is I could have fun. The first time I did that flawlessly was the night I met TL in person. We all ended up in our bed touching and playing and talking – and Garbanzo made a comment about how I’d cum if I touched myself. TL asked what I was waiting for. Until that point I had really only done that in front of Garbanzo. For a split second, I almost didn’t do it – then said fuck it and had fun. And boy did we all have fun.
  • Communication between Garbanzo and me has gotten much better. We have always had good communication. I want to make that perfectly clear. We’ve been together over 18 years without any major issues or obstacles. But, it has definitely cranked up a notch.  Mainly this has happened as a result of possibilities that have arisen. We talk about these things from different angles now – just to make sure that we are both okay – before and after. As we keep saying to each other, this is supposed to be fun – not destroy what we have. The constant check points is extremely important to us now – even more so than in the past.
  • Our rules are less rules, more guidelines. We have broken most of the rules we put into place when we started. Only play as a couple. Broken. Never play on the first date. Broken. No single men. That one is shattered between TL and X. The only rule we have not broken is “taking one for the team”. Of the rules, we will never break this one. It is pretty much our Golden Swinger Rule. We have learned when to trust our gut and when to run away. We go into situations with a desire of what we hope to see happen but with a flexibility that allows us to go with the flow of the situation knowing that if one person is uncomfortable or unhappy that the “code phrase” can and will be used.  We even have code phrases in certain situations to let the other know that all is well and to “play on”.  We now go into every situation with a couple and judge it uniquely based on the couple and the circumstances. 
  • I am letting people see the person Garbanzo sees. As weird as it sounds saying this has made me more able to combine the different facets of myself, it has. I think it is having a group of “friends” who are interested in seeing all of these sides has helped tremendously. I mean, to have conversations with people you’ve had sex with that centers around kids, family, work and sex – how often are you able to do that? Having a group of friends where you can drop all guards and just be you, it’s quite freeing really.
  • Being able to sexually play in new ways – even ways where maybe Garbanzo and I are not able to play with each other. In some cases, it is merely a new partner bringing something new to the table. In other cases, it is maybe something one partner is just not into trying. It has been a fun exploration. Again, communication has been the key to making this possible.

Overall, looking back, we have found this has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. We hope it continues to evolve.  Right now, we are planning an overnight with SG and his wife (SGW) in a couple weeks. SGW and Garbanzo are planning a weekend away with a third couple – a couple we all get along with and have had fun with.  THAT could be an interesting weekend too. And, hopefully, soon TL and I can find some time together again soon. Because as I’ve explained to him, I’m not done with him yet.

So, a year later, we are happy. We are where we hoped to be. And we are having lots of fun. There are no “we hare happy, but” comments, and most importantly – no regrets!

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Hubman says:

    It’s funny how rules become guidelines, isn’t it? I can identify with that!

    I’m glad that you and Garbonzo are having such a good time fucking other people 😉

  2. Secretia says:

    You mentioned there are ways that you and your husband haven’t been able to play with each other? That is surprising to me in light of the swinging. But I have not experienced swinging, so I don’t understand it.


  3. Babe Lincoln says:

    Isn’t it interesting how we all have different personas depending on who we are with? I think it is wonderful that you are cultivating a group of friends that you can truly be YOU with. How liberating!

  4. IveyLane says:

    Great post, Emmy. I love reading the retrospectives. We’ve entered the “what are we doing wrong” phase and are discovering the same thing you did — being new is a challenge in and of itself.

    I am looking forward to not only the sexual adventures and branching out, so to speak, but also the friendships you describe: the ability to be completely yourself without shocking the hell out of the other person. LOL


  5. Maggie says:

    I’m happy that this has been such a good experience for you in the first year. Here’s to many more!

  6. southerngirl says:

    Congrats baby on the first year…
    Cheers Cheers to many more!!


  7. Vixen says:

    I love this. So happy for you.

    Something you said here…
    “I am letting people see the person Garbanzo sees. As weird as it sounds saying this has made me more able to combine the different facets of myself, it has.”

    This is something PC has encouraged me to do, I’m working on myself and am slowly improving on.

    Again, congrats on the great experiences!

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