Finding the Unexpected

Diamonds are precious and rare.  It is almost difficult to comprehend that to create one, it requires a lot of pressure.  Yet, out of all of that pressure comes beauty that is coveted by many.

I don’t typically censor myself on my blog, but an incident occured a month ago that I chose to not discuss on my blog.  Why? Because she reads my blog – the one involved in the incident, that is.  But, a recent situation arose, and I decided to say fuck it.  I’m writing about it.

So what does this “incident” have to do with diamonds?  Well….

I hate drama, yet we had our first incident of drama with a woman we were playing with.  Long story short, she played with us alone, but wanted to bring her partner-in-crime into the mix.  I met him via chat, Garbanzo talked with him, and over several weeks, we decided it was time to meet.  We met, we all played, and all went well; so we played again.  The third play time was where things started going south.  We tried to overcome it – it was a communication issue – and sadly, in hindsight, a communication issue that had been bubbling below the surface for a while.  But a week later, it exploded; and it became clear that communication was not the only issue.  We likely needed to throw jealousy in the mix as well. 

I’ve recounted stories of our times together, but it isn’t just the sex that I look forward to with TL.  I look forward to the conversations we have – the joking around with each other – the debates we may have about music – just the discussions we get into.  TL and I have a friendship that is almost scary at times.  We often think and respond alike and at the same time.  Not so scary when chatting online or in person, extremely scary when it happens when you are 3 hrs away and have had no real contact before that happens.  (We will sometimes randomly text each other at the exact same moment.)  Last time we were together, we even went as far as ordering the same thing for dinner – and for breakfast.  It was a bit of a scary coincidence to be honest. 

But outside of the good sex and the weird coincidences, I have a lot of respect for the man.  The more I’ve gotten to know him, the more I respect him as a friend.  I have had friends who have known me for years not understood why things have bugged me like he has. The questions he will ask in regards to things are dead-on to my own thinking.  Hell, it may even be thoughts I have tried not to have because I thought they were silly.  But to have someone else say them, makes them less silly.  And when TL talks about his kids, I just wonder why more dads can’t be like him.  I know many who are – but as a divorced dad who has had custody of the kids, I am just in awe at how he manages it all. I mean, he is involved in what they do – school, sports, what they are into, everything.  And I love how proud he is of them too.  Before and even after we played alone the first time, he was concerned about my marriage to Garbanzo & how this step may have impacted it.  We have talked about that a great deal – because while this is all fun, the last thing he wants (as do I) is for the fun to screw things up between Garbanzo and me. 

And I think that’s the thing. It is really easy to forget among the sexy stories that the people involved are more than the guy who wields a cock or the woman with a nice ass.  The players are people.  People with lives outside of swinging.  Some are people with kids. Some are caretakers. Some are professionals who you don’t expect.  But all are human where the sex is a part of who they are but not all of who they are.  But, I digress…

This easy way we were with each other at the start created the drama in our swinging world and led to he and I creating the situation that caused the explosion, the phone calls, email, talks, texts and chats as we all tried to figure it all out. The drama I hate – that created less fun and more stress than I had ever wanted in swinging.  And recently, it even created a situation between TL and me that required a serious discussion about things post-drama.  A chat that just affirmed how good of a friendship we have created out of all of this mess.

So, despite my hatred for drama and the way this all went down, despite the stress this created with me and TL and Garbanzo, I have decided one thing – I am happy it all went down. While I have learned a lot about communication and “red flags” and such within the swinging world from this bit of drama, I regret nothing about what happened – I wouldn’t change anything about it if I could, because at the end of it all, I have a great friend.  Just had to deal with all of the pressure to get there.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Sa says:

    I’m happy for your new friendship, but since your post is (for good reason) rather allusive, I’m not sure what the problem was. I’m guessing the lady was jealous of your closeness to TL?

  2. It sounds like a difficult situation. I am glad that you had it resolved. Talking about it is always best.

  3. Glad for your new friendship 🙂

    i’m with you I hate drama!!!

  4. Hubman says:

    I’m left wondering the same as SA- am I correct to assume that the lady friend became jealous of the relationship between you and TL?

    I forgot, what’s the nature of the relationship between this other woman and TL? Just occasional playmates? Are you concerned about coming between them, or is it too late for that?

    Drama sucks!!

  5. Secretia says:

    You deal with pressure on a very high level, nuclear negotiation level 🙂

  6. nitebyrd says:

    The drama definitely sucks but getting a good friend is worth it because, as you said, they are as precious as diamonds.

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