This knowledge, however, never makes the transition process any easier especially when you notice it has ebbed when it had been flowing, and something drew attention to this fact – a fact you hadn’t clearly noticed until that moment.. Being the overly reflective & analytical person I am, I wonder how it happened. What there something there a particular event that triggered this change, or was it just work and family getting in the way of friends?
And, because I know I can be too cerebral, I usually keep this to myself. Don’t want to start something that isn’t there and all.
I have a very good friend from elementary school that has faded into the background years ago, but continually surprises me with his presence. I think text messaging has made our friendship stronger.
He and I met when we were 10 years old in the 5th grade. His family had just moved to the small town, and we hit it off immediately. He has always been one of my best friends. When all of the “girl drama” of high school hit its stride, he was there to show me what friendship was all about. He is a great guy.
People used to wonder why he and I never dated. The big reason – he’s gay. I knew he was gay before he did. Maybe it was the night he told me about his girlfriend and him making out in the tent in the backyard. His dad had set it up to air it out, and they took refuge in it for a make out session. She wanted more – and was clearly prepared to get more when she shed her clothes and produced a condom. She was literally chased by him all around that small tent. She wanted his clothes off; and he wasn’t having it. His story made me laugh hysterically (that’s the kind of friend I am). In the end, he begged off by saying something about his virtues – he was the son of a preacher man and all.
I knew what the real issue was – he wasn’t attracted to her because she had tits instead of a cock. Poor guy – his beard hadn’t realized her role in his life.
A couple years later after high school, his gay life and his “fake straight one” collided. He attended a good Lutheran college along with lots of good Lutherans kids including one special boy. He did have a girlfriend (read: beard) the first year of college. Supposedly he lost his virginity to her. Being a good friend, I questioned it. You do recall the story from above, right? He swore alcohol was not involved, but I seriously doubt its presence was not key if said virginity was lost.
In the end, the closet door was flung open when the mom of his special boy friend discovered her little boy was gay. She tossed my friend out of the closet with his parents as well. (You recall the comment about being the son of a preacher man, right? Yeah, went over like a lead balloon!) He never denied it with me, but he did work hard at discrediting the mom. In the end, I told him I was fine with it if he were gay. He still didn’t come out to me – he waited to do that officially the night before Garbanzo and I got married. I laughed at him that night too as I pointed out to him all of the ways he told me he was gay before he came right out with it. He conceded that my lack of surprise should not have surprised him given the evidence I put forth.
Before you think I am a royal bitch with all of this laughter, I should mention my old dear friend had many a joke on me too. He was convinced that since I was blond that I was a true blond joke waiting to happen. He is still waiting, by the way.
But, it never stops him from trying to find a blond joke I haven’t heard of. I usually disappointed him by pointing out that I had heard it, and it wasn’t good. I usually pulled out better ones. Like the blond who when talking to a couple of brunettes started crying when they were guessing the gender of their unborn child based on sexual position used during conception. On top meant one brunette was going to have a boy while missionary meant the other one was having a girl. Why was the blond crying? She believe she was having puppies.
To this day, I will get blond jokes from my friend of 26 years – just now days it is via text message. Like the brunette mentioning to her blond sister that she had had sex with a Brazilian. Her blond sister replied, “you slut. Now, how many is a Brazilian?”
Or the one I got recently about what do you do when a blond throws a pin at you? Run like hell because she has a grenade in her mouth.
That last one I recently got during the middle of a horrible, HORRIBLE day at work. I got it towards the end of the meeting I was in – I started laughing so hard I was almost crying. Everyone was wondering what was wrong with me. I didn’t care. At that moment, he gave me exactly what I needed. I needed the realization that everything I was dealing with was not as serious as it may seem. I needed laughter to break the tension, to restore my sense of humor and my balance with life.
I replied to his text simply, “I love you! Thank you!”
His reply: “I knew only you would find that as funny as I did. Anytime. And I love you too!”