My niece’s first birthday is coming up soon, so I called my brother B to find out when they were having her party.

“I’m not sure we’re going to do anything.  I mean, it’s not like she will remember it or anything. Her birthday is Thursday, so we’re thinking we’ll just do something with the family that night.”

After I squashed my first response which was “gee thanks, I forgot since I don’t live in the town you do that I’m not family”, I asked him why they don’t do the little family thing on that Saturday night instead.  It was my subtle way of trying to get him to realize the message he just sent (inadvertent or not).

“Yeah, we just don’t think it matters.”

So, I explained to him what we always thought of the first birthday celebration.  Besides it being the chance to get that picture of the kid tearing into the cake and getting frosting all over the place, the first birthday is a celebration of sorts. A time to celebrate the fact that the child is still alive one year later.  All of the things you thought a year before that would “break” the baby or the things you just generally stressed over did not result in any permanent damage.

And, it was a time for us to get together with friends and family as a way of thanking them for letting the new parents be freaks.  For forgiving us for being late to dinner when invited.  For understanding when we had to leave early or cancel due to a sick child.  For listening without rolling their eyes at whatever we were stressed about – things we later learned were not worth stressing over.  And, in the early days, for bringing food when they came to visit.  For holding the baby so you could shower.  For continuing to be friends despite the freaky new parent behavior.

At least, this was our philosophy with the parties we had for our kids.  Less about presents, more about celebrating the fact that year one was under our belt.  Only 17 years remaining before we can send them off to college, trade school, or the nunnery.

I don’t think he bought it.

Oh, well.  At least he took my one piece of advice – stay away from store made cakes.  The frosting doesn’t always come out of the hair despite how much soap you use.