Day 193 – Askew


Weird Emmy fact – I took about 5 art classes when I was in college.  I did it under the guise of it being “requirements” for the liberal arts part of my degree.  The reality, I love art.  It is why I like taking photographs.  The composition, capturing a moment – all good stuff….especially when the idea translates from your head to the camera.
When I took a painting class, I had this week where the professor reviewing my work in front of the class stood there silently for about five minutes, then turned slowly and asked if everything was okay.  It threw me off having a discussion in front of the class about how my personal life was going, but I soon understood why he asked.  Everything I did that week had a theme – isolation, barren, and sort of a “leave me the fuck alone” sort of vibe.  Until he pointed this out, I hadn’t noticed.  Ironically enough, that was exactly how I felt mentally.  It was my senior year of college with drama galore with some recurring health issues thrown in. And despite my own health, everyone wanted to drag me into their drama.  Mentally, physically and emotionally – I just wanted to be left the fuck alone.
The point of this story, I looked at the pictures I took tonight and realized I had a similar theme to when I took that art class.  I had been feeling it, but didn’t realize it until I reviewed my pictures for the evening.  Everything was askew, hidden, something hiding, and somewhat solitary.  Kind of made me realize a bit that it was how I’ve been feeling the last week or so.  Exactly that way.  Felt like I was having a flashback of sorts. And Professor Lifson’s voice came into my head and asked that same question.  

I have had a week where everything has been askew.  While in some respects, I have been productive despite it all.  I have spent the week feeling out of synch with everyone.  Garbanzo and I have had one of those weeks where we couldn’t be on the same page even if it were the only page for us to be on.  (It is much better than it was after a long talk yesterday.)  Friends and I have been out of synch due to just life which is odd that they are all hitting that point at the same time.  Kind of an odd planetary alignment that seems to be throwing everyone off.  Work has just been drama after drama.  I feel like I’m dealing with a bunch of toddlers which leaves me mentally exhausted at the end of the day as I deal with melt downs and temper tantrums and people not following directions – all while I am literally pushing them to get shit done.  All of it is making me mentally exhausted in a way I haven’t felt in awhile….and I’m not talking the good mental exhaustion.

So, I feel askew just like the picture.  I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions. I can only hope something gives so that things get back inline.  I really need some serious recharging.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Just me... says:

    There are times, especially when things beyond your control are affecting you, that you feel at odds with your environment, your people and yourself.. There’s no one thing that will cure it.. Just every time you can, make peace with the thing/person in front of you.. And that includes yourself…
    Have a great time at the concert!! :):)

  2. Dana says:

    I know that “askew” feeling all too well, but likely for very different reasons. My experience has been that feeling askew is usually followed by major life changes. If that is the case for you, I hope they are all positive ones!


  3. Emmy says:

    Paige – thanks for your advice. I’m trying to do exactly that. Hopefully a weekend of fun (not stress) will help.

    Dana – your make a good point. I suspect that some of this is due to my upcoming layoff in October. (Speaking of major change.) Thanks for the hugs!!

What do you think?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.