Spare the Rod?


I don’t spank.  I won’t spank.  And I won’t get into the debate, so move on if those statements offend.

I was spanked as a kid – and it did not do anything but make it a “wait until your father gets home” sort of environment in our house.  It caused my mother a great deal of pain and suffering growing up because Dad was the spanker, not her.  Oh, she tried – but you could get away with a shit load more with Mom than with Dad.  Also, the consequences of bad behavior were always delayed – so many times never was addressed.

For my parents, my brother B and I were pretty good kids.  We fought mainly with each other, but we were raised to say please, thankful, respect elders, etc.  This all changed for my parents when my little brother N was born.  N was willful, broke laws, and pretty much laughed at their attempts at discipline.  It was no wonder that N struggled as a teenager and adult until finally getting it together just a few years ago. My parents, to put it bluntly, gave up.  If spanking didn’t work, they were out of ideas.  This is why I won’t go there.

I have written about my evil genius Indigo.  I’ve written about the trouble she’s had at school.  I’ve written about the trouble she’s had with her sister.

This weekend, the trouble was taken to new and exciting heights.  The weekend ended, for her, by getting sent to bed early – really early.  She had already been in time out about a dozen times.  She had already had privileges revoked.  None of it was getting her attention – none of it.

Here is an example of the things that got her into trouble today:

  • Playing with the limb clippers.
  • Being told to do a chore, but repeatedly sneaking outside to swing.
  • Saying she would be on the back deck jumping rope only to be found in the neighbors yard mere minutes later.
  • Being told that her friends could not come over to play, yet inviting the kids over to play in the yard.  
  • Scootering without a helmet.
  • Scootering – period. (We’ve been having issues with the scooters being left halfway down the block, so the scooters were taken away for awhile.  Yep, snuck it out of the house.)
  • Standing on the arm of the new couch.
  • Lying….about pretty much everything including the things she was caught red-handed doing.
It has been one hell of a Sunday.
So, here we are at the crux of the issue.  Nothing is working. Nothing.  She doesn’t care.  She knows the words to say – she knows the proper amount of emotion to display to show us remorse, yet she will seconds later do it again.
Any ideas?  Besides selling her to gypsies that is.  
Like I said, she’s pretty much done with most everything at this point.  No TV, no computer, no playing with her friends… nothing but bread and water.   
What has worked for you?  And don’t say spanking….because it’s not happening.  I’ll let Garbanzo, if he wants, give an educator’s viewpoint on spanking if anyone insists.
Reward system? Grounding?  Sending her to the convent at age 6?  Hard labor? 
I need some creativity on this one because mine is gone.  I should also mention I know this is a developmental thing.   We recall going through it with DJ.  We just don’t recall exactly how we turned it around.  Plus, Indigo is most decidedly not DJ, so whatever it was likely wouldn’t work anyway.
Oh, and I should point out that taekwondo is not helping.  If anything, it can get worse there.  She’s done push-ups, been excluded from class – you name it.  Doesn’t impact her in the least. 

One Comment Add yours

  1. I have no idea as I’m not a parent. I don’t ever want to be because I don’t think I have what it takes honestly, lol.

    I know for my best friend, her son is behaving very similar in ways that you described. She’s got some book that she’s reading through. She said the rewarding system worked for a while but then it stopped being a big deal thus stopped working.

    I have no suggestions but I hope you think of something or someone offers you up something soon that helps soon. 🙂

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